I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
