apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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