if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
