After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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