thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
