I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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