I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
