There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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