She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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