Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
