You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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