So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
