No awkward lesbian experiences without me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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