You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
