And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize