Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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