I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
