Where are you?
In a non slutty way
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
