New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
