I wish i was in the wii world.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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