i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
