Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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