I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
