So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
