2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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