It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
