I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
