my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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