the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize