youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
