I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
