the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
