Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
