Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
