just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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