I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize