I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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