Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
