there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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