is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
