i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
