Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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