no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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