i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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