I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
