You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
