the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
