i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
