i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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