i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
