it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
