I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
