Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
