Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
