I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
