you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
