she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
