Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
