If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
