so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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