Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
