Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
