We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize