Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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