don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
