I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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