dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
