I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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