so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
