Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have aggressive nipples.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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