I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
