there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
