I need help removing her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
