We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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