I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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