So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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