just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
