hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
