girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
