Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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