i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
