What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
