She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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