Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
