so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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