dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
