at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize