Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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