I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
