I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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