I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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