dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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