Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
