You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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