Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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