I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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