Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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