It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
