I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
