you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
