My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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