Kiss
Puke
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
