It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
