I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
