i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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